This Rocky Outcrop

Yesterday, I had the privilege of meeting for the first time with a person who I will mentor through a specific time of discernment. The time was spent hearing hopes and dreams and sharing stories of the journey thus far. I always get a little nervous when I am asked to take on this sort of role with people, as my journey has often been filled with a great deal of uncertainty. I especially feel inadequate when people are discerning a call to work for the church, as my experience has felt like a constant battle.

I told the person, as we sat having our cuppas, that I would not attempt to paint my path to ordination or the journey since with rose coloured hues. In sharing my more recent struggles in ministry, however, I was able to see that I have come to another landmark along the way. You know those points along a hike where you stop, take in the scenery and refresh yourself before embarking on the next chapter. 

The last couple of years have been challenging. I have chosen particular paths that have kept me in ministry and the church. These have not been the easy options. Far from it, it would have been easier at times to walk away. On the positive side, I feel I have chosen the path of integrity, freedom and hope. On the other hand, it is also the path of loneliness, challenge and uncertainty. 

My battle with the church is not unique. My wondering about the future of the church, it's lethargy in bringing about change, and the vocal Christian groups who speak with judgment 'on my behalf' all leave me feeling a dull sense of despair. The questions that have run around my mind are about being real in ministry, preaching with integrity and what it means to be a Christian in today's world. These questions all come from the heart, but there are another bunch of questions that runs alongside from the mind. How do I do this without upsetting the people in my congregation? What if people leave and we don't have enough money? What if? What if? Should I just stick with the status quo? Do I have the energy to try and be different? These are the questions that, implicitly, many church meetings have taught me to ask. 

So, what has brought me to this landmark? I find myself standing on this granite outcrop, relieved to be here on solid ground for a while. I have no idea what lies ahead, how the journey will pan out. But, for now, I know I have the strength to keep going. Why? Because I have met some fellow travellers who have encouraged me; speakers at festivals, colleagues willing to chat on Skype, a supervisor who gives me bread for the next leg, friends who are just there and congregation members who let me know they are still behind me. I cannot continue in my ministry in the church if it is not with integrity. I cannot go on remaining silent about things that are important to me. I cannot keep on pretending that I can make everyone happy. 

As my supervisor said to me recently, 'Have you read the stories about Jesus? Sitting on the fence is not following Jesus. And following Jesus is not about keeping friends.' I have been very slow to learn this. This week, my supervisor of eight and a half years let me know that our supervisory relationship would need to end due to health problems. I want to thank him for getting me to this rocky outcrop in the middle of this beautiful, rugged land. The journey continues!

Building the Labyrinth

Some of you will be aware that over the last few months we have been building a labyrinth at the side of our church in Margaret River. The piece of land that it now sits on is the hoped site for a future hall of some sort for the church. Until recently, however, all it was doing was successfully growing weeds. It was decided that in the meantime we may as well make use of this space and build a labyrinth that can be used by the whole community.

We called for donations of rocks, plants and any benches or quirky garden ornaments that could be used in the area. We were thrilled at what came out of the woodwork. Even those who didn't fully understand what we were trying to do brought along what they could offer.

On our construction day, we had people aged 6 to 80+ lending a hand. Those who couldn't haul rocks helped oil the wine barrel that acts as a seat in the centre. When some got tired, they made cups of tea for everyone. It was a real team effort. By the end of the day the labyrinth was almost complete.

We decided to open our labyrinth for the first time on World Labyrinth Day - May 7th. With a bit of hard work the day before, everything was ready. The local newspaper wrote a great article about the labyrinth and our open day which gained a lot of interest in the community. ABC Radio South West were also keen to let the public know what was happening and conducted an interview on their breakfast show.

The open day itself was quite overcast with regular showers - not the best weather for an outdoor event. But this did not stop people coming to have a look. We had some wonderful conversations with people who were local and visiting from elsewhere. Some were familiar with labyrinths, some were curious and some wanted to bring their grandchildren to look when they visited.

I feel we have built far more than a labyrinth at our church, it is a connection point. It is a way to open up conversations with people about their spiritual life that may not have happened otherwise. People have noticed, shown interest and come to see. I am looking forward to the opportunities in the future.

Beyond the Rainbow

For the last few days I have been at the Sacred Edge Festival at Queenscliff Uniting Church in Victoria. How I came to be here is another story, and there are many I could tell from my time over the weekend. For now, allow me to share one small, personal reflection. Yesterday, I went to a poetry workshop led by Padraig O'Tuama. It was far too short, but reignited my passion for being poetic with words. 

We were encouraged to reflect on an inherited text. It could be anything, but a story that had impacted on us in some way. I chose The Wizard of Oz. For me, it is a magical story that expresses so much about life's journey. We were asked to reflect for a moment on where our story had connected with this inherited text. I struggled a little, coming up with philosophical statements about the journey of life and the people we meet along the way. Other than choosing it as a theme for my 40th birthday, I wasn't able to come up with any tangible connection. 

That night, we had a Persian feast and entertainment. The final song for the evening was Over the Rainbow performed by The Deadly Duo. I imagined that, perhaps, this had all been secretly orchestrated for my benefit. My chosen inherited text was gifted to me, wrapped in mystery and love. And there was the connection. The impact of the experience of Sacred Edge and the year that has led to this point was the touchstone with The Wizard of Oz. The thoughts flowed freely now and here is the result. 

Beyond the Rainbow

As a young girl

I dreamt of distant lands,

places over the rainbow

where bluebirds sang lullabies. 

I would sit comfortably

on the fence and dream...

and dream. 

One dawn, 

I opened my eyes

and I was far from home.

The journey began

one yellow brick at a time;

a road of hope,

a road of new songs

and new friends.

Not my own road,

but for any sojourner

wishing to seek out mysterious lands.

We will compose 

our pilgrim songs together.

Words and tunes

of courage, of fear,

of hopes and dreams,

of laughter and tears.

And the dreamy song

from the fence, of the rainbow

is left behind

for I am there.

Hearing yourself speak the truth

I wonder if you have ever had the situation where you are talking with someone or a group and you hear yourself say something that takes you quite by surprise. Perhaps you have been working through something in your head for a few days, and the person you are with asks a question that is related. The answer you give comes straight from the heart, rather than the head, and all of a sudden everything makes sense.

I had a situation like this a couple of weeks ago. I had been reflecting on what it meant to be called into ministry and to name this as my vocation. Many hours have been spent with my supervisor around this very question. All of this pondering was useful and had challenged me in a variety of ways to look from different angles at where I found myself today. I still felt, however, that I had missed the point.

During Lent, our congregation engaged in a study on the topic of Finding Your Voice, based on the film 'The King's Speech'. One of the sessions explored the idea of 'being called'. Someone asked me during this study, 'How did your call to ministry happen, Cathie?' Before I knew it, the words were out of my mouth, 'Well, I don't actually think my calling is to be a minister - this is just how I am living out my calling in the here and now.'

The truth had been spoken. The words were out and they have been going through my mind ever since. It was the truth. I worked out my 'calling' a long time ago and it is still the same today. Discovering this, led me to apply for the ministry. It so happens that, in ministry, I am able to live out my calling. This may seem like a small, insignificant difference - perhaps being pedantic about semantics. For me, however, hearing myself speak this truth was an 'aha' moment, a liberation from the challenges that had been plaguing me.

This was a good lesson to listen to my heart as well as my head. A big thank you to that person for asking an innocent question!

Mandalas: Menacing or Marvellous?

I was recently sent a link for a blog post that was sharing a person's deep concern about the use of mandalas. This person had been given a gift of an adult colouring book, which are all the rage at the moment. They were bewildered to find that many of the pictures and patterns in the book were mandalas. The person writing the blog had done some research into the use of mandalas and focused in on one way of understanding their use in Hinduism and Buddhism which talks about them as a spiritual tool "to merge" with the deity. This person's opinion was that this would open the door to demons. These new colouring books encourage people to spend time reflectively colouring mandalas and in so doing our tricking us into merging with deities. The conclusion - Christians should not colour mandalas.

Well, as a Christian who has a great love of mandalas, I feel I must put forward a different view. My first concern is that there is a view that one or two particular faith traditions "own" mandalas. A mandala is a circle. They are found in nature and in society every you go in this world and beyond to the universe. I don't think it is any accident that the circle in most cultures is symbolic of wholeness and universality. Some traditions have used the mandala more than others in their spiritual practices and have become known for this. Others, like Christianity, have also used the mandala perhaps without being conscious we are doing so. There are an enormous amount of old cathedrals that have beautiful rosary windows or a circular layout. We are happy to call this sacred geometry, but have not been as familiar with the term mandala. I do not see the mandala as something that particular people own. It is something we all innately relate to, but maybe our culture has forgotten its significance.

My second comment comes from my own experience with mandalas. Some of you will know that I have done a bit of work with mandalas and spiritual direction over the last 6 years that has involved my leading workshops where people create their own mandala. My own personal experience, and what I have heard from others, is that there can be a "merging with the deity" that I happen to call God. I have a large mandala on my office wall that I created and it speaks to me quietly of a time when God was stirring me about my call to ministry and my faith journey at the time. Creating the mandala was a "God moment" for me and I don't believe any demons were involved at all. To say that mandalas are not of God negates many people's experiences of connecting with God throughout history.

Thirdly, I would like to say that I don't have a problem with us (as one faith tradition) learning from another. If we become so arrogant that we shut the rest of the world out in order to believe that we have it right, we are really missing out. I have had conversations with Buddhist and Muslim friends that have truly enriched my own faith journey. In my opinion, talking and learning and experiencing do not compromise our own position. In fact, in my view it only strengthens it. I have seen my discovery of the mandala as a gift. I first learnt about them from reading about Hildegard of Bingen, a medieval Christian mystic. This lead me to explore further, reading about the Tibetan monks and many other cultures and religions that use mandalas in a variety of ways.

And so my plea to those who would say that Christians should not use mandalas - don't rob those of us who love mandalas from a rich and beautiful experience. They are not for everyone, but don't use fear or ignorance to forbid others of what I consider is a God-given gift.

I will be running an Introduction to Mandalas Workshop in Margaret River on May 28th.

Understanding Your Dreams

Tomorrow evening I will be presenting a talk in Margaret River on the topic of dreams. Most of you will be familiar with the introductory sentence, "I had the weirdest dream last night..." The following tale can often have us in fits of laughter as many dreams are rather way out and bizarre. As puzzling or entertaining as dreams can be, they actually teach us a lot about our life.

In the talk tomorrow I will outline some of the research that has been conducted by scientists and psychotherapists. I will give some of my own wacky examples of dreams and what I have learnt from them. We will then explore one suggestion for how to understand our dreams. The truth is, we do not necessarily need an expert or a good symbols book to help us with dream interpretation. Our dreams are our teacher and we only need to grow in our attentiveness to gain from them.

I am going to propose to those who come that we think about commencing a dream group. This would be a circle of trust where we can bring our dreams and help each other to understand and learn from them. If you are in the area and would like to join us, we are commencing at 7pm at Margaret River Uniting Church.

I will keep you posted and tell you more about how it went soon.

What if I'm wrong?

There are so many issues in our society for which people form strong opinions. Whether it be a global issue, such as climate change or asylum seekers, or something more local, such as the clearing of land for housing or an increase in crime. Some people are very vocal about their view writing to newspapers, local politicians and on social media. Others join a public protest with a supportive group. Others remain quiet until their buttons are pushed in a more private discussion. 

How we act upon our opinions depends on a number of factors. Personality plays a big part. Some people are more comfortable expressing themselves in public, while others really don't want to draw attention to themselves at all. Some people are born leaders and forge the way, while others are more comfortable being part of a group or institution that provides a network in which to relate. The way we view the world and our place in it also has an influence. Is the purpose of our life here to bring about change and a better way of being for all? Are we simply a moment in time, unable to make any real contribution to the vastness of life? Is this life significant or are we waiting for something more wondrous and perfect after death? Does how I live my life now determine how next life will be? Each of these views brings a different ideology which will determine how we act upon our opinions.

I am part of a church, the Uniting Church in Australia, that is not afraid to voice its opinions and stand up for justice when it feels something is wrong in our society. I am eternally grateful for this Church, as I am a thinker rather than a doer. I will ponder the world around me. I will reflect on the wrongs I see. I will look at all the aspects of a situation and form my own opinions. I will hesitate... and hesitate... and hesitate... The question rings through my head, "What if I'm wrong?"

In the last year or so, I have been trying to get out of my head more and let my heart and gut have a bit more of a say. I have tried to find the courage to voice my opinions on some issues that I am very passionate about. I have received a lot of support, but I have also had some people tell me I am wrong. That's a big deal for me.

So, here is how I am learning to deal with that question that seems to return again and again. If my opinions, and therefore my actions as well, are based on love, compassion, peace and non-violence (all the things that Jesus and many other wise people preach about) I must be heading in the right direction. If the people who tell me I am wrong are acting out of fear, ignorance or their own lack of control I need to be very aware. I am not sure that this is a matter of being right or wrong. To me it is a matter of being a decent, loving human being who longs to be in good relationships.

So, now, if that question pops into my head, "What if I'm wrong?", I listen a little more to my heart and gut. If the way of love and compassion is wrong, I don't want to be right.