But today it seems to flow a little easier, with a little less cynicism and a little more integrity. And funnily enough it takes me back to the near the beginning of this time of change. At the end of July I attended a Christian Meditation Community retreat with our Christian Meditation group. The theme for the retreat was "The Lazarus Story - unbinding and going free". The theme spoke straight into what I was going through and gave it a name. We spoke about freedom and what this really means in our lives.
I had just come through a time of growth and feel a new sense of freedom. What I hadn't anticipated was the learning that would need to occur in order to be free. It seemed such a simple thing - to be free. But who knew that you would need to learn to be free. There is so much unbinding, so much unlearning, so much adjusting to be done. I certainly don't claim to be through this time of unbinding, but I'm through it enough to see what it is. Here is a humble attempt to describe it based on Lazarus imagery.
Awakened from sleep
Eyes opened to light
All I longed for now blinds me in pain
Numb muscles of death
Now frozen in fear
Freedom's lure is cast
A promise of life
Warm blood through dry veins starts to seep
At the door trembling
Each step hesitates
My heart races, the soul wants to leap
Stumbling and tripping
Bound by death's clothing
The tomb's safety beckons and calls
Constrained by the known
Held tight and secure
Life unravels and at my feet falls
"Unbind and let go
Loosen and set free"
Rags peel from my face, spill to the ground
Shallow breathing ends
Lungs fill and expand
Let this new life begin, I am found.