Changing Hats

There are some days that are very full and there doesn't seem to be a spare moment at all. I find I can handle days like that reasonably well. There is usually a light at the end of the tunnel and I know that the next day will be less hectic. The days that I find exhausting, however, are the days when I have to 'change hats' quickly. It is not the going from one activity to another that is difficult, but the change in emotions, mood and atmosphere. I remember the first time I experienced this. I was on placement during my ministry formation and attended a very emotional funeral in the morning. After the funeral we had a five minute drive to the next meeting- a ladies lunch at a local cafe. The women had no idea where we had come from. I found myself having to prise my funeral hat of compassion from my head only to replace it with the hat that listened to concerns about cooking the perfect sponge.

On a different day, conversations about flour and oven temperatures would have come easily. But swapping hats so quickly was like being in some crazy dream. It didn't feel right to be talking about the inconvenience caused by a supermarket's lack of variety in flour brands while a family were mourning the death of a loved one. 

I was reminded of the difficulty of 'changing hats' just last week. I had a day of changing hats. Not just once, but three times. I could really do with at least an hour in between to make the transition. I guess changing hats is a more drawn out process. It involves reflection on what has just happened. How was I affected? A few deep breaths. Some moments of meditation. A letting go. A giving thanks. And then the hat is off. 

Changing hats requires space that is not always available. If I am really honest, sometimes the hat does not actually get changed. The new hat is put on top of the old and is balanced precariously until there is time to remove them all carefully. Sometimes it feels awkward and a bit of an acting game, but this is the reality of life. We cannot always change hats with swift ease and smooth transitions. 

A Lament from the Understorey

O God of my life, 
I yearn for your light.
These people have lost sight of your face.
They stand tall in the valley and mask the sun's rays.
Their shadows are cast over me,
smothering me in near darkness.
I do not know from where the sun rises,
or to where it sets.
Without your light I am lost
and left sitting in my own disappointment.
And so, I await your wind of change
that blows where it will.
I await the old leaves that will fall at my feet.
I await the opening canopy above
and your warm rays tickling my senses once more.
And when the day is bright around me
remind me of the humility of being
part of the understorey.
Amen.

Heal Yourselves!

In the song 'The Temple' from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar, Jesus ends the song by crying out in a loud voice, 'Heal yourselves!'. It is a controversial line in the production and many people argue that Jesus would never say these words and was always compassionate. The song has people seeking Jesus' attention to heal their various ailments. It builds to a crescendo where it appears that Jesus is totally overwhelmed by the need surrounding him.

I must say that sometimes (especially just before holidays) ministry feels a little this way. It is all too much. The demands that people place upon you and the expectations they have of your time and energy seem neverending. Thankfully, I am at the end of a week's leave and feeling ready to emerge out of my cocoon once more. I can certainly imagine Jesus feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by the continuous challenges of his life. Maybe he didn't yell out, 'Heal yourselves!', but I have no problem believing he thought it every once in a while.

In fact, I think there is some wisdom in these harsh words. In my experience as a Spiritual Director, it is those people who are ready for healing to occur in their lives who are easiest to work with. They want healing and they are prepared to do the difficult work to help the process. I ask questions and feedback what I am hearing and seeing in the person. Often, the person will thank me at the end of the session, but really they have done the work. They have 'healed themselves'. 

Many people want miracle cures and magic transformations. But, contrary to many claims, there are no magic wands waiting to fix all the problems. Inner healing comes from deep inner work. This takes time, commitment and courage. When we look at Jesus' encounters with people in the Gospels we find him helping people to heal themselves. The healing narratives almost always have a deeper conversation following which encourages the person to continue the journey of healing at a deeper level. 

Healing is an ongoing process. It never ends. For me healing is about discovering my true self, being in right relationship with others and knowing my God. Only I can do that work. And so, Jesus' cry, 'Heal yourself' is not an offense, but a call to take responsibility and engage in the hard, inner work necessary for healing.

The Soul of a Place

I have just finished a book that I was given for Christmas titled 'In Search of My Father' by Dr Helena Popovic. It is her own account of her search for her father beyond the man of grief, despair, depression and dementia. It is an insightful and moving story that eventually leads them to travel back to her father's homeland, Serbia.

I found the last few pages of the book very thought provoking. A Serbian woman recalls a friend's reaction to Australia. 
'They said Australia didn't have a soul. They said everything looked good but somehow something was missing. A sense of hollowness was in everything - even their fruit and vegetables. They were blemish-free and picture-perfect but they'd lost their flavour. People could buy anything they wanted, but it didn't feel like enough. That's what my friends said, anyway. If you love living there, you must have discovered the soul of the place. Everything and everyone has a soul, if you dig deep enough.'

Does Australia have a soul? Can any place have a soul? How can we even measure such things? I have certainly felt drawn to places throughout my life that seem to speak to me in deep ways beyond my understanding. People have certainly told me about places that have a spirit of their own or are very sacred. Is this evidence of the soul of a place?

We talk quite openly about 'soul mates'; those people in our lives who seem to connect with us on another level and with another language. This language that has no words and cannot be translated is how our soul connects with the soul of another. It is our way of saying we have a deep connection. Could it not be that our soul somehow connects with the soul of a place in the same significant way? I know for myself there are certain places where I just feel at home; comfortable to be at one with a place. I also can understand the sentiments of the Serbian woman's friend. 

Z Bend in Kalbarri, Western Australia

Maybe it is not about a place being soulless, but simply that our soul does not connect in the same way in that space. For me one of the places where my soul connects is the Z bend in Kalbarri. It is a place of great beauty, but more than this, it is a place of connection for me. The rest of the world call fall away while I am sitting there and all would be well. It is a place of inner peace and deep knowing. I don't know why or how or what it is that causes this connection. In some ways, I don't want to know. It is the mystery of the beauty of the connection that makes it so wonderful.

The Temptation of an Every Day Minister

Then she was led by the Spirit into the wilderness of another week to be tempted by those inner voices. After toiling for at least forty hours, she was left hungry. Her ego spoke and said, "If you are a successful minister, fill your pews with people and make your church financially secure."

In the silent stillness a whisper replied, "Be still and know that I am God."

Then the minister was led to the church office where playgroup was in full swing, the phone was ringing and the emails just kept coming. "If you are an effective minister, throw yourself completely into your work."

In a deep breath and a sigh a memory arises, "Love your neighbour AS YOURSELF."

Again she was taken to a high place and shown all the members of her congregation. "All of these people will like you if you give them what they want and preach what they want to hear."

But the question lingered, "What does God require of you?" 

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Those annoying inner voices retreated for a time, waiting for a moment of weakness to strike again.

What do we notice?

We are currently using a study book based on the movie 'Chocolat' in one of our congregations. Today the session looked out how we deal with people who are different to us. There was one question that I found particularly challenging. It asked, 'What do we notice first when we meet someone new; the differences or the similarities?' On reflection, I thought of two separate but similar interfaith experiences that illustrated the effects of what we notice first.

The first of these occurred a few years ago now in Bali. I was on an exchange trip with the church. Our group of 12 people had visited various Christian programs and villages around the island. On this particular day we were visiting a Hindu temple. We walked up many, many steps until we could go no further. There were tourists everywhere, but they were restricted from entering the holiest part of the Temple that was reserved only for worshippers. A Balinese gentleman who was monitoring those who entered the holy section showed some interest in our group. He spoke with us and, on finding out that we were Christian, invited us to enter the holy area. 'You can come in and spend some time worshipping your God' he said. What a privilege! And what an experience!

The second situation was just last year in Jerusalem. We were taking an opportunity to have a close look at the Dome of the Rock, a magnificent building. For me , however, the opportunity to experience prayer and worship inside was exciting. We copied all of the other people approaching the entrance, covering our heads and removing our shoes, only to be told at the entrance, 'No tourists!'

Now, there are possibly numerous reasons for the different responses in these two places of worship. But, if I reflect in a totally selfish way about how I felt, there was a huge chasm between the two experiences. The Balinese man, although we were obviously not Balinese or Hindu, noticed the similarities we had. We were all people for whom the spiritual was important and valued times of worship. The result - a unique, inspiring and memorable time of worship. The Muslim man at the Dome of the Rock probably had good reason to notice our differences, but that is all he saw. 

What we notice does have an impact. Not only does it change who we are as a fellow human, but we may never know how it affects the one we are noticing. So, the challenge for me is to notice the similarities first and then learn to appreciate the differences later.

If I only had the nerve

A friend of mine has a word that they focus on each year. It is a word that encourages personal growth and hopefully a change in attitude or behaviour. I was reflecting on what my word for this year might be. Two years ago my word was 'integrity' and it was a year of learning to be true to myself and my own beliefs. A lot happened in that year that contributed to my growth in this area. Last year I adopted a short phrase, 'no living in fear'. My awareness was raised at the impact fear has on our lives. It paralyses us, motivates us to behave in ways we would prefer not and distracts us from acting out of love. I don't know that it is possible to master such huge things in your life in the space of a year, but it certainly was helpful to have a focus.

So what is the word for this year? Courage! In many ways it is related to my themes of the previous two years. Living with integrity and without fear takes great courage. Courage to speak up when you know that your opinion is not popular. Courage to take risks and give new things a go. Courage to show strength and find your true potential. Courage to confront. Courage to love. Courage to stand on the margins. The list could go on.

As many of you know, one of my favourite movies is 'The Wizard of Oz'. The cowardly lion joins the journey to see the Wizard in search of courage as if it is something that can be attained or achieved. On finally speaking with the Wizard about his request he discovers that he had courage all along inside. So, learning from this piece of wisdom I need to be careful not to start a quest for the nerve I need. Instead, this year needs to be a year of going deeper within, spending more time being still and quiet and discovering the courage that already lies within. And so the Year of Courage begins!!