Tricking Myself into Self-Care

 Recently, I have been reading and writing a bit about the importance of self-knowledge as part of the spiritual journey. Getting to know myself has been an an extremely significant aspect of my spiritual life. Learning to accept who I am, with all the joys and struggles that holds, has been valuable and formative. So, after being on this path for some time now, what have I learnt? 

1. Learning and new experiences are near the top of my priority list. I am a perpetual student, which has its advantages, but also locks me inside my head at times.

2. I have to be really attentive to what my body is telling me. Listening to my 'gut' and slowing down and looking after myself don't come naturally.

3. I can be very in tune with the emotions of others, but when it comes to my own I am quick to retreat to my bubble. Being vulnerable is something I have to practice.

My list could go on and on. But the reason I am sharing this is I have figured out a way to trick myself into looking after myself a little better - I hope.

In the past, I have tried being self-disciplined, creating some program of exercise in order to live a healthier life. Each time I have centred my goals around weight loss or particular fitness goals. None of these have been successful beyond a few months. I pondered, what would motivate me to get outside and start walking? My immediate reaction - if someone invited me to walk the Camino de Santiago, I would make sure I was fit enough and ready. A new experience! A spiritual pilgrimage! Travel and learning about a new place! Perfect!

But then, there's COVID, and money, and time, and family, and study, and...

So, I have found the perfect solution. Today I begin a virtual walk of the Camino. It's cost me $50. I don't have to leave home for weeks and weeks. And I can do it over a longer period of time. I'm giving myself 6 months. Sure, it's not quite the same as being there (maybe one day), but the app I have chosen shows

me where I am on the map, sends me postcards telling me about the different stops and sends me a medal at the end (not so fussed about the medal). It is the perfect way to trick myself into self-care. This is not a weight loss program or a get fit for Summer goal. This is a spiritual pilgrimage - a new experience that is the best I can do anyway in these non-travelling times.

And the final part of my cunning plan - I have now put it out in public. Another thing I know about myself is I hate to look incapable. So, if you happen to see me, hold me accountable. I won't be sharing how many KGs I've lost, but I might share about the wonderful places I've been.

A pilgrimage of sorts

Our family is about to embark on a journey of a lifetime. After months of saving and planning, we are ready to leave for our holiday to the United Kingdom. This is my homeland. I will be returning to the places where my life began and reconnecting with family, some of whom I haven't seen since I was eight years old. For me, the planning has been half the fun. Researching, booking accommodation and seeking out the not-to-be-missed sights has certainly been a project in itself.

As much as this is a family holiday, and there will be plenty of light entertainment, I am also seeing this trip as a pilgrimage of sorts. I have chosen to travel with a question. Not that this will consume my time away, but will sit with me much like my camera or perhaps my jacket (its going to be cold). The question is a personal one that was gifted to me by a good friend and will be important for me as we enter 2017.

I have hopes to visit three places that may help me to carry this question. The first is my first faith community, Alan Road Methodist Church in Ipswich. I was baptised there. I learnt about the Bible there. I sang my first hymns there (some of which are still my favourites). I began to learn how to serve other people there. This is where my faith journey began and I have many fond memories. I know it will seem small and 35 years will have seen many changes, but I am interested to see how I feel being there. I am keen to reconnect with this foundational place.

The second place I hope to visit is not too far from my hometown. I am keen to spend some time sitting in Julian's cell in Norwich. Those who have followed this blog for a while will know of my passion for the Mystics. Julian of Norwich was a counsellor and advisor to her community. She is known as the first woman to write a book and her near death experience brought her visions of God's love. She was an amazing thinker and theologian for her time. As with many mystics, she sat on the fringes of the church, but still remained a part. She was an amazing woman and I look forward to a little quiet sitting in her space.

The third place in my pilgrimage is Chalice Well in Glastonbury. This is one of the best known holy wells in Britain and is connected to many spiritual legends. The current theme for the well is "Many Paths, One Source"; a theme which resonates with my own ideas and theology. I see the well as a sacred place of depth, mystery and history. I know as I sit or stand by the well, I will be one of millions who over the centuries have visited this portal in search of hope and healing.

I am trying not to build up my hopes in seeing all three of these places. I know that time and the weather could work against me. So I've set a target of making it to two of them. At each place, and many other stops in between, I will carry my question like a precious stone. I do not know if I will come home with answers, but I will never know if I leave the question at home.