This afternoon, as part of Mandala a Month, I created my March mandala. This month the meditation focussed on the words of Teresa of Avila from her "Interior Castle". As I started working on my mandala I began at the outside and worked inwards. It was not until I had finished the circle that I decided to make the wounds of love. St Teresa says that wounds of love in our life pierce our spiritual life and take us deeper within our interior castle. This has certainly been my experience. It is the difficult things that happen in life that help us to grow and be transformed.
As I created my wounds of love and stuck them proudly on my mandala, I realized how perfectly I had made them. They were actually quite beautiful. I titled my mandala, "Perfect wounds of love". I sat and reflected on my mandala for a while and decided that I am very quick to make everything perfect in life. Even the hard stuff I manage to analyze, compartmentalize and store away as some significant learning experience. As I reflected on my perfect wounds of love, I decided they need to be less perfect.
Yes, it is important to integrate and learn from our experiences. It is, however, also important to experience the pain and suffering and not push it aside too quickly. This mandala has shown me a side to myself that would have taken years to discover on my own.
Last night we held a Blue Christmas service in Augusta. This was the first of its kind for this town and I wasn't sure what the response would be. The idea of this service is to acknowledge that Christmas can be a difficult time for some people. We are surrounded by the media telling us how we should be full of joy during this season, but that is not always easy. If this is the first Christmas since a loved one died, or it has been a difficult year emotionally, or there are broken relationships to deal with - Christmas can be a time of dread and sorrow.
During the service we read from Scripture, sang some of the more reflective carols and heard how Emmanuel - God with us - came into this world for the lost, the marginalised and the lonely. The members of the congregation were given an opportunity to light a candle for someone or a situation. They were also invited to take a blue bauble or a star from the church Christmas tree to hang on their own at home to acknowledge the pain or remember someone dear to them.
As the congregation gathered, I met people from the community for the first time. Our regular members had invited friends and family and some had seen the posters around town. It was very much the case that those who were meant to be there were. There were tears throughout the service, and that was okay. I encouraged people to allow the song of their heart to be sung. This was not a place for pretending or putting on a brave face. This was a safe place to be vulnerable and to be real.
As a leader, this was one of the most meaningful worship experiences with this congregation this year. New seeds have been planted and new doors have been opened. Last night was living proof that the Spirit does not only move in large packed auditoriums of loud music, but also in the intimate quiet of a few hurting souls that gather in a small country church.
It is an age old question! If God is love, why does he/she allow suffering in this world? Job is a great book of the Bible to delve into and try to understand this struggle. In my message I looked at different ways the church has handled the whole idea of suffering, some of which have been very damaging. Do we blame it on 'Satan', do we blame it on ourselves, do we blame it on God or is there another way to see it? I think we can only come to an authentic understanding if we have sat in our woundedness in the presence of God. That's not a comfortable place to be!
This became very obvious for me in people's comments afterwards. Some know what it is to sit in that place, others don't want to go there and still others are happy for me to sit there and listen to me talk about it. For me, my wounds have become birth canals to the wholeness that God desires for me. This is a big change. It is liberating and healing. I have probably had far less suffering in my life than many people, but all of us know what it is to be hurt. If you would like to read the full message I gave click here.
Afterwards we came forward to the table for Holy Communion. This table is one where brokenness is talked about and where healing and wholeness is found. We gathered around the table together and brought all the mess of our lives to connect with the one who knew what it is to suffer. If we can come in this way, with integrity and honesty, our community will be a place of renewal and hope.
