I am in the last few days of my annual leave. I have taken three weeks just to hang around at home, be with my kids and complete some projects in our new house. I have enjoyed the break. A change in routine is always good from me physically, emotionally and spiritually.
In the next week, as I start to meet people I haven't seen over the break, I am sure I will be asked what I did in my three weeks off. For a person who can at times be quite task oriented this is a hard question. I could list off all the little DIY projects I've completed. I've painted the kids rooms, installed two Ikea wardrobes, put up some pictures, hanged some curtains, unpacked boxes and thrown out rubbish. I could list all the things I've done as a mum. I've done numerous loads of washing, cooked a few batches of pancakes, washed thousands of dishes, been a taxi driver and social secretary and fought a few battles.
I could also list the things I haven't got done. I haven't read the books I thought I might read, I haven't gone for a walk each day, I haven't done any scrapbooking, I haven't created any mandalas and I still have a long list for the next three days. How do you judge the success of a holiday? Is it about how exotic the place you visited may have been? Is it about how relaxed you became? Well, I can't say that I went anywhere exotic (some people would say I already live in paradise) and I can't say that having the kids and their friends racing around has been especially relaxing. This has been a holiday of being. I am being a home renovator. I am being a mum. I am being a house keeper.
My challenge is to stop my critical, overthinking mind from saying this is not enough. It is enough! There is no need to get the list of jobs finished. There is no need to read all those books. It is enough just to be. And on Monday when the busyness starts to build again, maybe I need to keep my holiday list going. It can be a reminder for me to sit occasionally and read a novel or get the paint brush out start on another room or not to moan as the kids social calendar seems to take over. How easy it is to get caught up with doing things and completing tasks that help us to feel valued and worthwhile. If this self worth was inbuilt, how much easier it would be to just be.